Tonight the 2018 Heisman Trophy winner will be announced and for that individual, their wildest fantasy will come true. They’ll be heralded at the best player in college football for 2018 and go down in the history books as one greats blah blah blah. The Heisman Trophy means nothing in reality, its just more media hype to keep the NCAA machine rolling. Regardless, tonight one student-athlete will hold that heavy trophy up in victory and will probably cry while telling a story of his life struggles.
Who gives a shit about a heartwarming story of a winner. Americans live for tragedies and falls from grace. That’s why Brittany Spears has a show in Vegas people pay their hard earned money for, knowing there’s a slight chance she goes “Oops I Did It Again” and shaves her head circa 2007 screaming “Fuck Ed Hardy.”
The bright future for the Heisman winner often become a dull meaningless present full of regret and even jail time. Here is a list of a few of the good ones:
I’ll start off with positive and free thinking former running back that Mike Ditka once sold the farm to the Redskins for. A career filled with failed drug tests, retirements, trips around the world and Indian holistic medicine. The 1998 Heisman winner is one of the recognizable Heisman winners in recent memory. Still, an NFL career that spanned over a decade, 10,000 rushing yards, and 66 TDs doesn’t sound all that bad.
While Ricky was off the field he loved to smoke up the ganja and live a vegan lifestyle which I imagine includes telling people about it while eating hummus and asking your fellow vegan the meaning of their new tattoo.
In fact, it all sounds pretty great. Travel the world, smoke what you want, tear up the NFL in your spare time, and even become a co-founder of the most useless offensive scheme ever in the wildcat. If any of this year’s Heisman candidates lived this future, I’d imagine there’s no regrets, not one.
Dr. Billy Cannon
The 1959 Heisman winner from LSU ran so hard he later had to become an dentist to fix all the jaws he broke on the field. On the field, he played every position but is most known as a great halfback. Dr. Billy averaged 5.2 yards a carry during his LSU career, scored 24 touchdowns and had 3,472 all-purpose yards as a runner, receiver, passer and kick returner. He had seven pass interceptions on defense. He even played 11 years in professional football.
Dr. Billy clearly wasn’t satisfied with all of his life’s achievements. In 1983, he was arrested after the Secret Service came knocking on his door with shovel in hand. They dug up over $5 million in counterfeit $100 bills in his backyard and charged him and five others with possession of counterfeit money.
Unfortunately for Dr. Billy, a few years of federal prison were in his future. This is not a future that tonight’s Heisman winner would want.
Classic story of “he said, she dead.” 1968 Heisman trophy winner out of USC, Orenthal James Simpson killed on the field at halfback. He was so dominant in 1967, his junior year, while leading the nation in yards and using his charismatic personality to make the ladies go wild. Unfortunately, he was a close runner up for the Heisman this year to UCLA quarterback Gary Beban who had a great season for the Bruins.
Come to think of it, has any one heard from Gary since that night he stole the Heisman from O.J.? I heard O.J. looked pretty mad when he lost…
Anyways, in 1968 OJ finally won the Heisman and went on to become one of the greatest running backs in NFL history. A legend on the field and celebrity off the field, O.J. was loved by all. He dated beautiful women and even married one. Then a little legal trouble came in 1994 when he was mistakenly put on trial for the murder of his ex-wife. Don’t worry though, the glove didn’t fit. His legal troubles didn’t end there though.
After years on the path of goodness, the Juice lead a team of men into a Las Vegas hotel room and held a man at gun-point while stealing a bunch of sports memorabilia. He spent 9 years in jail for the robbery. The clean cut, fan favorite O.J. Simpson’s reputation was now forever tarnished.
You never know what the future holds for a young man who has the whole world in his grasp, but for the 2018 Heisman winner, one hopes not for a life like O.J.
Virgin minor-league baseball player who spent more time on his knee than on the field in the NFL. Nobody deserves this future.
So whoever wins the 2018 Heisman Trophy tonight, whether it be Oklahoma’s Kyler Murray or Alabama’s Tua Tagovailoa, your future is what you make it. Learn from the mistakes of the past winners. Excel on and off the field, but at things like business and charity, not murder and counterfeiting.
Gambling Pick for The Heisman:
Kyler Murray (-240)
There’s no doubt the Kyler is going to win tonight. Tua has been great and put up big numbers while not turning the ball over, nobody wants another Alabama victory.